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10 Secrets for Getting & Keeping the Right Man

l. Choose to be Respected or Cherished

You've got to know who you are before you can exchange what you've got. In every relationship, there can be only one respected leader and one cherished follower, at least in the beginning until a commitment has been negotiated. Choose whether you want to be the giving/male or the receiving/female, regardless of your anatomy. Whatever you choose, have integrity.

2. Pay Attention to Your Feelings

Always pay attention to your feelings. Avoid what you don't want. Feminine energy must feel good to do good. (Masculine energy must do good to feel good.) Don't rationalize away negative feelings, no matter who tells you to. If it doesn't feel good don't do it.

3. Flirt to Attract

If you want to "attract" a male, you must be "seen" as a sex object. Take care of your body, dress sensuously, fix your hair and makeup, go where men are, catch "his" eye, and signal your interest and availability (the Five-Second Flirt Technique) so he won't be afraid to approach you. Smile, don't talk. If you speak first, you're the better man.

4. You Need Chemistry, Compatibility, and Communication

You need all three, but they don't have to be perfect. Chemistry is a body-to-body reaction. Enjoy it, but don't consummate too soon. Communicate first to investigate compatibility in order to separate your fantasy projection from reality. He could be crazy, married, or a "little boy." Once the bodies take over, it's hard to negotiate compatibility or even learn to communicate.

5. Have No Sex Without Commitment

Most females become bonded to the male with whom they have a sexual relationship, so unless you're "man" enough for casual sex, negotiate the commitment before making love. Find out in advance whether he'll pay the "entrance fee," which is exclusivity, continuity and longevity. Remember, men fall in love with your virtue, not your body.

6. Set Aside Fifteen Minutes a Day to Talk

Once you are in a relationship, spend time each day asking the other what he or she thinks and feels about things that matter to you both. Learn how to help your partner to feel better and to achieve his or her goals. When a man's thinking is respected, he feels cherished. When a woman's feelings are cherished, she feels respected.

7. Renegotiate Terms Regularly After Six Months

The first three months are the "Perfect Phase," the next three the "Imperfect Phase." At six months you start negotiating time, space, play and money, and at nine months, the "Commitment period," you begin planning for the future. You must renegotiate regularly to accommodate changes.

8. Keep All Agreements

The only way you know you love yourself and others is by the agreements you are willing to make and keep. Don't give up unless he makes you sick or drives you crazy. Nobody is perfect. If he's 51 percent, keep him.

9. Create a Romantic Memory Bank

A romantic memory is one in which the male gives pleasure to you, and you give pleasure back to him (but always a little less than you get). When the male is giving, protecting and cherishing, he is penetrating your defenses so that you can surrender to the pleasure of the relationship. You must never ask a man for more, better or different, love, (If you ask he wont give it you), so pick a man who gives the way you like to receive.

10. Wait a Least a Year to Marry

You don't know a person until you've been through four seasons with him. You must each have accepted the others foibles and frailties. The male must know what he thinks and ask for what he wants. The female must know what she feels and what she doesn't want and say no to anything unethical or immoral. You have negotiated time, space, money and play. If you must marry or sign papers sooner than a year, make sure you seek legal counsel first.

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© Sandra Harmon, Pat Allen in "Getting to I Do".
www.MyPrivateCoach.com
Sandra Harmon is the Find Love & Relationship Coach at MyPrivateCoach. She can be contacted at info@myprivatecoach.com.
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