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Develop Your Resilience Skills!

The word resilience initially comes from physics. The mechanical characteristics of a resilient material are to absorb shocks and to recover its initial shape and properties afterwards? For psychologists someone resilient is able to grow his or her human qualities and to live his or her life in a satisfying way, inspite of difficult cirscumstances. Are you a resilient person? How can you improve your resilience

At times, you can feel as exposed as a car bumper under the impact of life shocks. Life shocks usually bring valuable lessons; that’s why it’s most important for you to develop some kind of elasticity or flexibility in order not to get crushed by those lessons. You want to be able to face events without denying the questions they raise or resisting the changes they might bring.

Sickness, loss of a close one, breaking up, job loss are all examples of important life lessons. In the middle of the tempest, it’s often difficult, or even unthinkable to imagine life becoming beautiful again. Yet the hardships of existence can be considered as ininiatic rituals revealing doors opened on new opportunities.

The resilience process comes in two phases. First, the crisis: this is when the opportunities can’t be seen, and where pain is often too unbearable for you to see what is available. Once pain fades away, you may see potential in the new situation and gain a new perspective. Then, you can start the active work of getting recentered and focused on the essential.

Resilience is both the ability to adapt to drastic changes that tests our existences, and to discover opportunities of personal growth we can integrate in our lives for a better future. A resilient person is an individual facing serious difficulties that accepts them as a pivotal moment. This transitional passage which will leads him or her to create a renewed philosophy of life.

Resilience is the art of bouncing back.

Resilience lies in each of us. Resilience abilities differ from person to person. You may need guidance to identify and begin to develop them. The key and the winning attitude are to ask for help when you need it.

Creating efficient resilience conditions requires the ability to loosen your grip that is to say to stop hanging to your past and stop rationalizing. It requires that you quit your usual way of thinking, explore your true self, and start a journey of transformation. Bouncing back asks you to become more aware, to get a good understanding of yourself, and to discover what gives you a creative energy. Finding what thrills you will boost your energy and performance levels in most areas of your life.

Resilience is a school of courage and will. Each trial of your life gives you a chance to focus on what is really important to you. A special moment is created when you balance what you are loosing with what you are gaining. It is your responsibility to do your best to make your balance lean towards the positive side. You have the choice between remaining in your ego’s pain and withdraw, or to venture into your destiny. Consider your ordeals not as problems, but as doors you can choose to open, or as books written in a foreign langage you are able to decode. They are part of human beings’ growth possibilities.

Sickness, job loss, breaking out are big deals. When you experience them, you may try to eliminate the resulting pain as soon as you feel it. You may decide to eliminate it by artifical means (addictions, food, alcool, drugs, pills abuse, addictions of any kind). If you do that, be aware that you are maintaining your pain, and be assured that it will come back. This is because you prevent the questionning allowing you to overcome your difficulties to happen. Your moments of happiness bring riches and so do your losses and pains. Don’t waste your potential bouncing back capital. Make sure you don’t live anything in vain.

The challenge is not only to pass through ordeals, but to find the fuel to make something out of them. There is no simple answer to that because every person is unique, but here are a few tips to stimulate your resilience abilities :

· Communicate. Don’t isolate yourself with your pain, share your experience with people you trust and who are able to listen with empathy without judging you (friends, family, associations ...)

· Be aware of what is happening without feeling guilty about it

· Take control over what you can, even what may appear as small things in your life, step by step

· Develop positive thinking, a vision of hope. This attitude increases your chances to pull yourself through. Philosophy and spiritual life can help you there

· Develop compassion for other people. Allowing yourself to get sensitive to other people’ misfortunes will help you to get out of yours. Realize the value of kindness and responsibility

It is never too late. You can start now. At any point in your life you can bounce back and modify the course of your existence. Being coached in the process might offer a safe way to go through this process.

Bounce back!

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© Agnes Medioni, Speron Inc d/b/a MyPrivateCoach 2005.
www.MyPrivateCoach.com: Life Coach - Life Coaching
Agnes Medioni is your Resilience Coach. She can be contacted at info@myprivatecoach.com.
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