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Should You Live Together Before Marriage

I advise women not to live with their man before marriage. Familiarity breeds contempt, especially for men. Men need chase space to fall in love. They need to be inspired by a woman who is high maintenance in the love department. If you become his undocumented wife, housekeeper, lover, companion and friend. and share the finances for the apartment and food and entertainment, he won't be able to chase you nor will he be willing to marry you easily, because he knows too much about you. Why should he marry you when he doesn't really have to?

The old cliché, "Why buy the cow when the milk is free", still holds true. If a woman requires a man to make a commitment before sex, to a long term goal of marriage and monogamy, she may lose the guy who only wants sex, but she will not lose a man who wants to marry. If a woman requires at least an engagement ring and wedding date before living with him, she may lose the man who wants a freebie loaner wife but not the man who wants to marry.

If not, and she does live with him, usually disrespecting and uncherishing behavior happens along the way when one of the people begins to hassle for marriage. The haggling, hurts feelings and dulls the in love feelings until negativity results and familiarity with the negative side on a daily basis bombs the romance.

Romance happens in the courtship phase. It's purpose is to build good positive memories on which a marriage can be built. If you live together, the natural problems of living together disallow romantic fantasies which are so important. Not enough day dreaming time and too much problem solving can make a relationship a business deal rather than an exchange of respect for cherishing.

In many cultures marriage is a business deal to be arranged and romance does not have a priority. In the western world where marriages are romantically based rather than business, living together is statistically not a good way to begin or build a romance leading to a good marriage.

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© Sandra Harmon, Pat Allen in "Getting to I Do".
www.MyPrivateCoach.com
Sandra Harmon is the Find Love & Relationship Coach at MyPrivateCoach. She can be contacted at info@myprivatecoach.com.
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