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Learning to Say "No"

Finding ways to say “no”, when you feel “no”

In everyone’s life there is someone you cannot say “no” to. For me, that person is my mother; for you, it may be your child or business colleague.

So, why are we so reluctant to utter that one syllable word?

It all traces back to our early childhood days. Our parents conditioned us to behave nicely, and taught us that being cordial and agreeable is the correct position to take in all areas. These ingrained qualities, although valuable, do not always apply in the grown-up world.

For the most part, we enjoy helping others, and therefore, it goes against our nature to reject a request for help.

What we must understand is that we are not rejecting the person asking for the favor, we are rejecting the requested act.
This rings especially true when it comes to favors of a business or personal concern, where there is a lot hanging on the line.

Let’s put it this way: if you knowingly agree to things that you cannot afford to do at any given time, then not only are you selling yourself short, but you are also not going to do a good job.

The sound course of action to take in every situation is to know your rights:

• The right to be respected for your time and for your opinion
• The right to say no and not feel guilty
• The right to experience and express your feelings without fear of retribution
• The right to not get involved in the problems of others

Here are some pointers to use when you are put on the spot for assistance:

• Know what is already on your plate. If you are juggling multiple projects at work, let them know that you are busy and that you may need to re-prioritize your workload based on the request.
• Buy yourself some time to think about the request and respond when you are ready. This will help you from saying the obligatory "yes" and will leave the ball in your court. You can then respond as to your availability, based on your terms.
• Ask questions. Any gray area should be clarified before you can come to a well thought out decision.
• Evaluate your choices. Weigh the pros and cons of the request.
• Decision time: once you have communicated your resolution, evaluate your decision process, and think of ways that you can improve on your decision for next time.

If you cannot easily wrap yourself around saying “no”, don’t beat yourself up over it. As they say, practice, makes perfect. Don’t hesitate to take a “say no” test drive with your friends, or in front of a mirror, before you test it out when it counts!

Remember, it’s easy to say “yes”, but it takes more thought to say “no”.

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© Natacha Noel, Certified Life Coach
www.MyPrivateCoach.com
Natacha Noel is a Certified Life Coach at My Private Coach. She can be contacted at info@myprivatecoach.com.
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